Merry Christmas and a Happy Freaking New Year!!!

Ok idk if everyone has figured this out yet but I'm broken. Mentally I just can't handle anything right now. Something big happened this year. I can't say what it is bc its not my news to tell, but it completely broke me. I was barely holding myself together before and now I can't smile or even really do anything. I'm going to therapy, and I'm trying to get into a psychiatrist to get some medicine to help a little. At this point I don't think I can even take classes next semester, but I have to or I won't get the financial aid we need to live on for the next 9 months. And that gives me even more stress bc we need that money. I could get a job. I'd be happy to get a job, but idk if I can get a job and keep it. I hate this dilemma. Everything is just so broken. I want to be happy so bad. I haven't been truly happy in so much longer than just this year. I've struggled with depression ever since i was a kid, but I don't remember it ever being this bad. This is really bad. My mom who I usually love talking to can't even cheer me up at all. And now today I just cannot stop crying and being so extremely sad. There are few people that don't seem to understand how bad this has gotten. They don't understand why I'm only taking two classes at a time, or why I can't handle a job at the same time as school. They don't see why I can barely get up in the morning. If they could just see how hard it is for me to agree to take medicine that's going to mess with my head they would know that this is bad and I need help. I just can not handle people that aren't for me right now. I need support. I need people to have faith in me. I need to be happy. Please understand that I need my friends and family right now. I'm broken. Please. Help. Me.